Their words seemed to confirm what growing up as a woman and a person of color already taught me: that I belonged in margins and spaces, valid only as a minor character in their lives and stories.
This is what it is to grow up as a person of color in a white-dominated world. This is what it is to be a woman in a society that has taught its daughters that we are worthy of love only if we are deemed attractive by its sons. This is the world I grew up in, but not the world I want to leave behind.
There are a lot of strange courses that make it into a college course catalog. What would artificial intelligence make of them?
I train machine learning programs called neural networks to try to imitate human things – human things they are absolutely are not prepared to understand. I’ve trained them to generate paint colors (Shy Bather or Stanky Bean, anyone?) and cat names (Mr. Tinkles is very affectionate) and even pie (please have a slice of Cromberry Yas). Could it have similar “success” at inventing new college courses?
UC San Diego’s Triton alumni magazine gave me UCSD’s entire course catalog, from “A Glimpse into Acting” to “Zionism and Post Zionism”, a few of which I recognized from when I was a grad student at UCSD. (Apparently I totally missed my opportunity to take “What the *#!?: An uncensored introduction to language”) I gave the course catalog to a neural network framework called textgenrnn which took a look at all the existing courses and tried its best to figure out how to make more like them.
It did come up with some intriguing courses. I’m not sure what these are, but I would at least read the course description.
Strange and Modern Biology Marine Writing General Almosts of Anthropology Werestory Deathchip Study Advanced Smiling Equations Genies and Engineering Language of Circus Processing Practicum Geology-Love Electronics of Faces Marine Structures Devilogy Psychology of Pictures in Archaeology Melodic Studies in Collegine Mathematics
These next ones definitely sound as if they were written by a computer. Since this algorithm learns by example, any phrase, word, or even part of word that it sees repeatedly is likely to become one of its favorites. It knows that “istics” and “ing” both go at the end of words. But it doesn’t know which words, since it doesn’t know what words actually mean. It’s hard to tell if it’s trying to invent new college courses, or trying to make fun of them.
Advanced Computational Collegy The Papering II The Special Research Introduction to Oceanies Biologrative Studies Professional Professional Pattering II Every Methods Introduction study to the Advanced Practices Computer Programmic Mathematics of Paths Paperistics Media I Full Sciences Chemistry of Chemistry Internship to the Great The Sciences of Prettyniss Secrets Health Survivery Introduction to Economic Projects and Advanced Care and Station Amazies Geophing and Braining Marine Computational Secretites
It’s anyone’s guess what these next courses are, though, or what their prerequisites could possibly be. At least when you’re out looking for a job, you’ll be the only one with experience in programpineerstance.
Ancient Anthlographychology Design and Equilitistry The Boplecters Numbling Hiss I Advanced Indeptics and Techniques Introduction in the Nano Care Practice of Planetical Stories Ethemishing Health Analysis in Several Special Computer Plantinary III Field Complexity in Computational Electrical Marketineering and Biology Applechology: Media The Conseminacy The Sun Programpineerstance and Development Egglish Computational Human Analysis Advanced A World Globbilian Applications Ethrography in Topics in the Chin Seminar Seminar and Contemporary & Archase Acoa-Bloop African Computational for Project Laboration and Market for Plun: Oceanography
Remember, artificial intelligence is the future! And without a strong background in Globbilian Applications, you’ll be left totally behind.
Just to see what would happen, I also did an experiment where I trained the neural net both on UCSD courses and on Dungeons and Dragons spells. The result was indeed quite weird. To read that set of courses (as well as optionally to get bonus material every time I post), enter your email here.
It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before.
That changes today.
“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say.
Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.
“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“
Suddenly, silence.
1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression.
A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice.
He is moved.
“Aight”.
My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my white lily friends down. Not again.
The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.
All I can hear is heavy breathing.
“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”
There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol”.
“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”
“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.
“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”
He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”
“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.
The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.
“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.
I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™ and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.
Headcanon: Lord I have so many but one I’m especially fond of is that teenaged Cassian Andor was to droid rights what Hermione Granger was to house elf rights – perhaps slightly more dour and less clumsy, but EXACTLY that level of teenage intensity. Every now and then some new Alliance recruit said something ignorant in front of him, and everyone in the general vicinity (who knew perfectly well what was coming) made furious throat-slicing motions and attempted to sink through the floor to escape the blast radius of the incoming lecture and/or death glare.
He never actually developed any chill about it; he just got very, very tired.
(Listen. The man is two parts trauma one part self-loathing and three parts PASSIONATE POLITICAL FEELINGS about justice and liberation, you cannot tell me he does not have thoughts about droid consciousness and personhood given he is literally bffs with one.)
Heartcanon: Jeron (of Cassian Jeron Andor) is not a middle name; it’s his primer apellido, ie his father’s last name, and Andor is his mother’s. He has chosen to go by the latter (Alliance forms and files aren’t always very good with Festian naming conventions) because he was so young when his father was killed that he barely remembers him, and although Cassian loved his father his mother – his mother is the one who taught him what rebellions are built on.
Gutcanon: Children as an abstract concept freak him out because he himself barely had a childhood and he fears – as per usual – that he’s not a great person and will probably fuck things up somehow. (In practice, if you actually faced him with IRL kids, he’d be very good with them.)
Junkcanon: The galaxy’s most hardcore praise kink, ladies and gentlemen.
Spleencanon: Every time someone in fandom tries to take the Separatist out of Cassian’s Separatist backstory my mental version of him gets approximately eleventeen times more salty about the fact that the Alliance’s actual name is “The Alliance to Restore the Republic.”
Rebellions are built on hope 