he comes home ever six months or so. the house feels empty, but it always has, ever since the day his father didn’t come home (a little light protesting, he says, leave the dinner warm) and there’s his sister Lupe, off running rifles, and his sister Niambh, still not much more than a teenager, with fingers clever enough to put those weapons together blindfolded.
and there’s a woman who’s seen more ghosts in her life than anyone should, who gets up in the morning and does her duty because there’s bloody well nothing else to do aside from get a move on with things, another mission another weapons run, though she’s older now, mainly just organises things, keeps tabs on the stock and guards it, if necessary, with a very quick hand
but every half year or so, her son come home, every time with a few more ghosts in his eyes and unspeakable things in his heart, every time a little more like his father, like Cezar was,
and every time she puts the kettle on and makes a cup of tea and holds him while he cries
and then one day, it’s a holo and not a son that’s sent home
Tag: Cassian Andor
♡
Cassian Andor Appreciation Week ♡
∟Day I: The Rebellion
I have never doubted Captain Andor’s abilities or his dedication to the rebel movement. He is truly one of our best and brightest, and I trust his judgment on this mission.
Mon Mothma to Captain Draven (Star Wars: Rogue One Dossier)
For Day #1 of Cassian Andor Appreciation Week, I was kind of struck with the idea of how Cassian might react to hearing Saw’s last words and realizing, at the heart of it, they were all chasing the same ‘dream’
“Save the Rebellion! Save the dream …”
Cassian hears the words, distant — yet oh-so-loud, echoing off the chasm growing deep in front of them. They sting, for a heartbeat … because, well… could he?
It’s what he’s fought for, all he’s known since he was six, but still … could he?
He stows away the thought, registering Jyn’s breathing behind him, ragged and rough as she pulls Bodhi upright beside her. The monks are close behind and there’s no time to shout orders, no time to think anything other than run, so he keeps running towards the shadow of a U-Wing and hopes beyond hope that it’s the one that will get them off of this planet in time.
The landing gear’s down, and he’s so happy he just might cry, but he’d rather wait til they’ve hit atmo for that. So instead he plants himself at it’s entrance, ground unsteady, and ushers his new crew up into it’s belly with arms thrashing wildly so as to make it out through the sand cloud enveloping them.
He’s tumbling towards the cockpit when the ramp slams closed and he sees the frantic citizens below, like tiny pin-pricks, hurtling towards anything with wings and a hyperdrive that might just grant them a second sunrise.
Kaytoo’s babbling nonsense about unfinished calculations before Cassian finds himself yelling “Come on!” at the controls, both in anger and frustration that while the mission was successful he’d still failed, they were too late, the planet killer was real …
He pulls the lever calmly, and they scream into hyperspace.
The viewport is dark and behind him is quiet, grief. Mourning, perhaps … but there isn’t time, not for that, not for him. He scrubs a hand down his face and steadies his breath — they’re in Imperial territory, he can’t comm Draven just yet, so he stands from the cockpit and makes his way to the cargo hold … and hears the tail-end of a conversation.
He’s always listening, observing in silence, and yet his heart betrays him now, pounding wildly at the words pulled straight from a dream. Like hope, from her.
“—- there’s a way to defeat it.”
I sometimes wonder how the aftermath of Scarif would have affected Cassian, had he lived, in the sense of how the events that transpire and his own emotional turmoil may affect his decision on which terms he will remain on Alliance Intelligence.
It is clear, of course, that all he has done and some of the lives he has been forced to take weigh heavy on him, the guilt, pain and regret tear him apart. One could argue that, given the choice, he would settle for not taking those kinds of missions anymore.
However, I believe that it is worth considering he may have thought upon whom that responsibility would fall. Because even if he doesn’t do it, someone would invariably have to be in charge of that. Who? Another fellow rebel? One of the new recruits?
Imo, I think Cassian would have to end up choosing between two options that, still, tear him apart.
On the one hand, he refuses, the job falls upon another Intelligence member. Best case scenario, someone that has been with the Alliance for quite some time takes up the responsibility. They have gone through similar hardships, they likely feel the same mixture of emotions he does, they likely are as damaged as he is. Worst case scenario, it goes to a new recruit, who hasn’t gone through everything he has yet, suffered what he has, broken like he has. The guilt is knowing he burdened someone else.
On the other hand, he keeps on taking those missions. And the burden keeps piling up guilt on him, tearing him apart. But is the alternative truly better? Considering Cassian’s selfless and self-sacrificing personality, he might even end up considering it is his duty. He has already been scarred and damaged, he can spare someone else such a burden (especially the young).
Personally, I think he would have ended up choosing the latter.
All of this!
I would like to point out one thing that maybe helps mitigate the pain: the nature of the war changes after Scarif, after Alderaan and the Death Star burn and the very economic and political landscape of the galaxy shifts radically to account for those huge losses of influence, resources, and lives. The Galactic Civil War officially begins, brought from stealing secrets and sabotaging political movements to front line battles between cruisers and destroyers and actual ground troops with defensive lines. What has been a shadow war fought in back alleys, or via propaganda and stolen data, or “police actions” on backwater planets where hardly any media coverage happens has now become the forefront of every planet’s news cycle, is now full of explosions and missiles and AT-ATs stomping across the surfaces of hundreds of worlds. That does not, of course, mean that spies are no longer necessary (on the contrary, I bet Rebel Intel is now busier than ever), but the types of missions change. We need this person to die? Well, when before they would have been hanging out at fancy balls and hi-tech office buildings, now they are probably in a fortress or on a Star Destroyer somewhere that it would be advantageous for us to occupy instead, and so we can just flat out attack instead of infiltrate. (Yes, yes, the Allliance Fleet is still a vastly inferior force, but plenty of sources discuss rebel bases full of fighters, and there are open aerial/space engagements happening on multiple planets during the OT timeline). I’m no expert, but I do know that spy work shifts when the war is in the physical battle space and not primarily in the cyber/information battle space.
All this to say that while Cassian would absolutely chose to keep the burden of those uglier missions on himself rather than refuse them and let the pain fall elsewhere…the necessity of those missions might be somewhat more rare. Now they need to cut supply lines. Now we need to persuade not just agents but whole planets to the rebel side (actually, recruiting probably takes one a whole new level of necessity and urgency in the Alliance after the loss of Alderaan). Now we need to know troop movements, which are much easier to discover than movies like to make you think, and we need resources, which involves less murder and more theft. So yes, Cassian Andor would probably still struggle with the darker aspects of his work…but there would, perhaps, not be nearly as many moments where he has to stare into the distance and try not to smell the cooling corpse at his feet. Not nearly as many times where he must befriend and then betray someone to get what his side needs. And certainly not as many times where he would find himself the sole linchpin on which the operation hangs because he’s alone with the knowledge of what the Empire is trying to do, and therefore he must temporarily prioritize his own survival above anything else (a choice which probably chafed him worst of all).
So hey! There’s that, at least.
I’m finally seeing Solo: A Star Wars Story tonight, so here’s a new Rogue One comic! Bodhi loves Jyn and Cassian, but he’s…slightly unnerved whenever he hears about things they’ve done in the past. Things that may have possibly gotten messy at times.
Mi tumba no anden buscando, porque no la encontrarán
mis manos son las que van en otras manos tirando.
Mi voz la que va gritando, mi sueño el que sigue entero,
y sepan que solo muero, si ustedes van
a f l o j a n d o .{insp: Milonga del Fusilado by Carlos María Gutiérrez and Jorge Cafrune}
[Translation: Don’t ask me my age, I am as old as everyone. I chose many ways to be older than my age. And my real age are the shots I’ve fired. And even though my body may die, I will have the real age of the child I’ve set free. // Don’t go looking for my tomb,because you won’t find it. My hands are those who keep on pulling in other hands. My voice the one that keeps on screaming, my dream still intact, and know that I only die if you give in.]
K2-SO loves Cassian and we must never forget that
open in new window for better quality because tumblr fucking hates me
K has heard that having friends is very beneficial to humans, and though Cassian insists that he has plenty of friends, K is understandably skeptical. Rogue One comes out (in physical media) a week from today, and I’m really looking forward to being sad about it from the comfort of my own home.
Rebellions are built on hope 