Tag: So is Cassian

cassianandorjyn:

ah you always love picking ones where I can Up the Angst 😀 Here’s 19! 🙂 

I feel like I havent written from Bodhi’s perspective in a while…

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“Are you avoiding me?” 

Cassian corners Bodhi when he’s about to leave the dining hall, eyes full of an emotion that locks Bodhi in place, but also grabbing his arm to keep him there. 

“Ummm… no?” Bodhi shakes his head, convincing himself more than Cassian. “No. Not at all. Why would I be running away from you?” 

Cassian’s expression shifts to grim skepticism. “Really? So you weren’t trying to dart away just now.” 

Bodhi begins to shake his head, then sighs. “I don’t want to do this here, not now, Cass.” He mentally pleads with Cassian, and feels him let go of his arm. He doesn’t take his arm back, a twinge of guilt fluttering at the base of his stomach.

“Will you just tell me the truth?” Cassian’s face lacks the emotion it had earlier, but there’s something in his voice that threatens to break Bodhi’s resolve. Hurt. Disappointment.

Why was he doing this? Bodhi wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the second looks they’d been getting. Are getting. Anxiety barges into his heart like an unwelcome guest. He has a choice to make. Stay and talk to Cassian, and feel the many eyes boring into the back of his head, or walk away and be weighted with guilt.

Bodhi’s hands are trembling again. He can feel it, but can’t do anything to stop them. Cassian’s eyes drop from his face to his hands, and his gaze softens as he grips them.

This is what Bodhi was running away from. That look. That concern. He didn’t want to be a burden, bursting into Cassian’s room late at night, haunted by traumas; letting his name and reputation become entangled with Bodhi’s; subjecting him to the same taunting eyes that dug into Bodhi like daggers (captain andor? with an imperial?…)

“Bodhi. Bodhi!” He snaps out of his thoughts. Concern is written all over Cassian’s face. “I’m sorry. You need time. You need to be away from me. I’m sorry, I should’ve realized that earlier.” Cassian moves to let go of Bodhi’s hands but Bodhi clenches them tighter, closer. 

Bodhi’s shaking his head, for real this time. “N-no. It was my mistake. I didn’t want to bother you. Distract you. But I think-I think it’s doing us more harm than good.”

He can see Cassian visibly swallowing a sarcastic retort (you THINK?) and he almost grins, because snarkiness was a trait he’d picked up from Bodhi. Instead Cassian squeezes Bodhi’s hands and says, “Okay. But take your time.”

“I already have,” he replies. Cassian smiles at him and daggers’ edges begin to dull.